I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
