Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
