Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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