Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize