I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
