I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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