so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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