I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
