break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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