at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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