Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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