watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
