I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
