How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize