how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
