So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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