Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize