I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So vagazzling was a success
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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