"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
