I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
