remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
