So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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