What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
