I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
