dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
