My cat gives me a boner
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
