So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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