Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you had me at cake vodka
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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