We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
