Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
