I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How does it feel to date your dad?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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