my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
