party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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