I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
