Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
