Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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