Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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