dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
