i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
