i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
