You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
