are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
