nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
