woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
