i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
