I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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