So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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