it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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