You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
