So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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