All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
