Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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