I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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