he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
