just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
