omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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