Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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