I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
