mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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