Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And then my night got REAL pukey
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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