I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
