during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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