in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have post one night stand depression
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
