Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
