I'm pants shitting drunk right now
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
